Yahoo!!

Front and center on Yahoo's home page today: Absolut's absolutely offensive reconquista ad with the lead headline: Absolut Controversy: The makers of Absolut vodka pull an ad showing California in Mexico. (And Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Colorado, Utah, Nevada and Oregon -- let's be honest here!)

The subhead: Call for boycotts.

Even now that it's reportedly pulled the ad, Absolut has not replaced the lame and offensive statement from Paula Ericsson, communications chief, on its Web site. (Enter an age over 21 to enter.) How utterly unprofessional -- if a decision is made to pull the ad, a message is posted concurrent with the announcement. That's PR 101, Paula! Fire your PR firm.

(And no, don't hire me. I don't work for liquor, tobacco, gambling, lotteries, porn-purveyors and other profiteers from sin and misery.)

BTW, there are now 208 pages of comments on the site -- up from 49 when I last wrote about this on Friday.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

This is about as fine an ad as you're likely to see any time soon.

hat-tip: Hillbilly White Trash

Absolut Awful Messaging

Absolut has posted on its Web site a response -- not an apology -- regarding its reconquesta ad from Paula Ericsson, VP, corp. communications:

The In An Absolut World advertising campaign invites consumers to visualize a world that appeals to them -- one they feel may be more idealized or one that may be a bit "fantastic." As such, the campaign will elicit varying opinions and points of view. We have a variety of executions running in countries worldwide, and each is germane to that country and that population.

Note the phrase "We have a variety of executions running...." What's said and what's missing tells us that Absolut and its agencies created this ad, that it was not solicited through some sort of contest. It therefore is the product of the company and must reflect their point of view at some level.

This particular ad, which ran in Mexico, was based upon historical perspectives and was created with a Mexican sensibility.

Again, "was created," not ""was submitted."

In no way was this meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues.

Honey, saying it isn't so doesn't make it not so. Messages need to ring true or they clang like a gong. The ad does offend and disparage (more on that later), it obviously advocates a change in the borders because it shows a reconoquista border as an "absolute," which is inherently anti-American. And the fact that reconquista and the radical anti-immigration law movements are one and the same makes it impossible to run the ad without reflecting immigration issues.

The statement should have said, "We regret that to many, this ad offended, and was disparaging towards America ..." and so on through the entire list.

Instead, it hearkens to a time which the population of Mexico may feel was more ideal.

Hmm. Isn't that statement itself offensive and disparaging? Doesn't it seem to advocate an altering of borders (on behalf of the entire population of Mexico, not a part of it, which probably offends a fair amount of Mexicans)? Don't you feel it lends support to an anti-American sentiment, and reflects immigration issues? I thought so. Me too.

As a global company, we recognize that people in different parts of the world may lend different perspectives or interpret our ads in a different way than was intended in that market. Obviously, this ad was run in Mexico, and not the US -- that ad might have been very different.

In a global world, companies should realize that what they do in one market will be seen in other markets, and implying that it's OK with them if an American Absolut ad is flagrantly anti-Mexican -- when we know they would never run such an ad -- just insults our intelligence.

And that's not what you want to do with your messaging. Ericsson should have apologized, but the world "apologize" or "sorry" does not appear anywhere in the statement. It is, in short, one of the worst responses to a crisis communications challenge I have ever seen. And the comments it generated on the Absolut site show many agree with me:

Ex-Absolut Drinker, who apparently is in the entertainment biz, said:

I guess you could say your Absolutly f***ed. I will be sure and have a rider with the shows I book that no Absolut will be served during any of my artists shows.

Old-Fashioned American Patriot, who owns some bars, commented:

This will not be sold in my bars, and I will petition the bar-owners in my area to likewise boycott.

If only we had the ability to prevent the import of the product, it'd wind up in the harbors much like a certain tea did a couple-hundred years back...

And Perry the Cynic wrote:

You have every right to advertise anywhere in any way you like. I have every right to adjust my purchasing habits accordingly. I intend to never buy your brand again, OR that of your parent company (Pernod Ricard), and I will endeavor to educate my friends and acquaintances about your appalling attitude towards out country, and particular towards the great state of California.

That's just part of page 1. There are 49 pages of comments already posted.

You can join the fun via the first link above (you have to type in an age over 21 to enter), or you can email Paula direct at paula.eriksson@absolut.se.

And if you must drink vodka, stay away from Absolut, of course, and Stoli, too, since it is also a Pernod Ricard brand.

Absolut-ly Disgusting

I gave up drinking about 8 years ago, so boycotting Absolut won't be too hard for me. How about you? Bad as this ad is, it's not quite worth putting my liver at risk again just to protest the brand's reconquista ad campaign for Hispanics.

Were the reconquest of North America by Mexicans -- who for the most part are just another bunch of continent-grabbers -- successful, I don't think the economy would sustain a whole lot of Absolut drinkers. Cheap mescal would be more the ticket.

Shoot, why not just paint the whole continent red and go after the Native American drunks?

If seeing the ad sends you into a drunken rage, email your protest to at Absolut's PR guy at jeffrey.moran@absolut.com.

hat-tip Jim and Michelle Malkin

Flat Buns Update

Carl's Jr. and Hardees are apparently the butt of too much criticism over their "Flat Buns" commercial, which I recently covered as yet another sign of our crumbling civilization, and have promised to modify it.

Are they editing it to remove the blatant sexuality, which Laura Ingraham refers to as the "pornification" of America? Not exactly.

Apparently, Carl's is more concerned about offending teachers than it is about offending the moral sensibilities of folks like us who are trying to raise good kids and live decent lives. From the OC Register's Fast Food Maven blog:

After angering educators with a sexy teacher ad, Carl’s Jr. reps said they will expel the female character from the “flat buns” commercial.

“Many people are not taking the ad as it was intended to be taken,” CKE Restaurants stated today. “We will be re-editing it (the commercial) to remove the female teacher character and focus exclusively on the rappers. We believe these changes will eliminate the primary source of concern and we anticipate that the revised ad will begin airing by the weekend.”

I can understand teachers not wanting to have the classroom sexualized, and Carl's leggy young blond certainly accomplishes that. It's a serious issue, as one teacher made clear in a comment on my previous post:

The ad is offensive and degrading.
I was once practically raped in the classroom.
Teaching is a difficult enough job without having to turn women teachers into sex objects to sell a hamburger.

Agreed. But even with the teacher-protecting edit, the lyrics remain, and Carl's continues to sexualize America. Here they are in case you think I've overstated my case:

Well, I like 'em really hot
I like 'em really flat
I like 'em lookin' like a pancake stack.
What about hiney? Got no hiney?
I call you Your Hineness.
In anatomy class
You got butt minus.
Flatness makes a better rear
Stand sideways, girl, you disappear.
Flat buns.
I like flat buns.
I like the flat ones.

For those of you who must have one last glance at the teacher (professionally, I'm sure, only to evaluate whether she truly does over-sexualize the classroom), click here.

Our Crumbling Civilization: Flat Buns Edition

You'd think a classic bit of Americana like the patty melt would be beyond the touch of the civilization-slimers who bring everything down to the scuzzy mindset of an 18-year-old male in order to sell more product and make more money.

I can understand dropping "my first lay" to that level, but the patty melt? What next? Apple pie? Oh, they already did that.

The patty melt's fall into society's sewer is brought to us by none other than fast food chain Carl's Jr. (Hardee's in the Eastern U.S.), who not that long ago gave us a minimally dressed Paris Hilton flaunting about in a largely successful effort to get young men to think of Carl's hamburgers when they think of sex ... a pretty compelling marketing strategy, you have to admit.

When Carl's decided to offer patty melts on its menu -- patty melts, by the way, that don't look nearly as good as the one featured here -- they did it with a TV ad called "Schooled" (view here), showcasing a too-hot for this planet high school teacher who slithers about in a slinky gray suit while a couple boys in the class rap:

Well, I like 'em really hot
I like 'em really flat
I like 'em lookin' like a pancake stack.
What about hiney? Got no hiney?
I call you Your Hineness.
In anatomy class
You got butt minus.
Flatness makes a better rear
Stand sideways, girl, you disappear.
Flat buns.
I like flat buns.
I like the flat ones.

The scene cuts to a patty melt with a more mature male voiceover: The patty melt. On flat buns. Only from Carl's Jr.

Patty melts are not, of course, "only from Carl's Jr." The only thing that's only from Carl's Jr. is the raucously in your face flaunting of the old "sex sells" paradigm of advertising, and a willingness to further degrade the American morality in the name of "creative advertising."

This commercial would have been un-runable a few decades ago, but it wouldn't have been unthinkable. I've been in plenty of creative sessions where someone would throw out an idea so tasteless, racist or sexually over the top that it would get a laugh or a groan, but never a thought to really go with it. Heck, most of the time we'd be so embarrassed by the mere thought of having to admit we could come up with such an idea that we wouldn't even share it with our clients.

Now it seems that the more outrageous the idea, the more likely the ad agency (in this case, Mendelsohn|Zien) is to run it ... and not just run it, but run it as if it were significant in some way other than that bothersome "complete breakdown of civilization" way. Really; the folks at Carl's thought the ad so important they issued a news release on it (via Nexis, so no link):

"The Patty Melt is an American classic but the burger has been around for almost 60 years and, thus, it needed an image make-over to become more relevant for today's fast-food consumers," said Brad Haley, executive vice president of marketing for Carl's Jr. restaurants.

"So, our advertising agency developed a rap song to emphasize one of the unique aspects of the burger: the use of flat, grilled rye bread as opposed to the traditional round-top bun. That rap song, which originally ran as a radio spot for our Hardee's chain, became so popular with the public - even spawning related websites and YouTube spoofs - that we decided to make it into a music video TV commercial for the burger to run at both chains. Who knows? This may help give flat buns the respect and admiration they have been missing for all these years."

To help that possible trend along, and to keep digging this civilization hell-hole deeper, Carl's kindly provides a list of the hottest flat-bunned celebs. Most of them are meaningless Hollywood people, but you'll be interested to know that Hillary comes in seventh on the female side (large thighs and flat buns ... is that the anatomy we want in our president?), and Rudy seventh and Obama tenth on the male side (are Obama's buns too flat to be the first black president?).

Sigh. As much as I'd like it if sex didn't sell, and we lived instead in a world where a clever headline, beautiful copy and tasteful art was what drew people to buy products, I have to admit that ever since they started illustrating the Grecian urns to sell more olive oil, sex has been a big part of the marketing mix.

But really, has it become too much? Has it come down to this?