Terrorist ELFs Arrested

The FBI doggedly pursued their terrorist targets, and yesterday, as long as seven years after the crimes were perptrated, they swept in and arrested the creeps.

Now behind bars are:

• Stanislas G. Meyerhoff, a 28-year-old who still hasn't learned enough to get out of college, and Daniel G. McGowan, 31, who set fire tothe Superior Lumber Co. and the Jefferson Poplar Farm, both in Oregon, and both in 2001.
• Kevin Tubbs, 36, and William C. Rodgers, 40, who torched a government animal and plant health inspection site in Olympia, Wash. in 1998.
• Sarah K. Harvey, 28, another person enjoying a never-ending college career, for a 1998 arson at U.S. Forest Industries in Medford, Oregon.
• Chelsea D. Gerlach, 28, charged with the highly publicized destruction of a Bonneville Power Authority transmission tower in December 1999.
  

All are acts of ELF, the Earth Liberation Front. None of those arrested appear to have been living in caves and foraging for grubs and roots, so all of them are hypocrites. They torch things that don't appeal to their dangerously out of tune senses, but aren't true enough to live lives without the comforts they are so opposed to.