How To Translate The News

Here's your handy guide to the hidden meaning behind newspaper terminology:

Recently: We lost the press release
First in the modern history of: no Nexis entries
Source who spoke on condition of anonymity: flack
Informed source: At least he knew what we were talking about
Highly placed source: the only one who would tell us anything at all
Couldn't be reached for comment: the reporter didn't call until after 5 p.m.
Unclear, uncertain, unknown at press time: no one will tell us
Knowledgeable observer: The reporter
Knowledgeable observers: The reporter and the person at the next desk
Controversial: He did something bad but we're not sure what
Embattled: He should quit
Exclusive neighborhood/school/club: the reporter can't get in.
Allegedly: He did it but we can't prove it.
Shocking revelation: leaked on a slow news day.
Reportedly: we stole this bit of information
Exclusive: No one else returned the flack's calls
Hot button issue: only editors care about it
"...with News wire services": we just rewrote the AP wire, no original reporting whatsoever According to published reports: We got scooped

h/t LT