Cheat-Seeking Missles

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

ACLU Wishes You A Merry (Deranged) Christmas

Actually the word "Christmas" appears no where in this Christmas poem by Gregg Gladden at the Texas ACLU. But like Santa, this one is about fantasy (don't tell the kids).
An Overdue Visit

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nation
Friends of Freedom knew it was a special occasion.
Lady Liberty stood taller just off the shore
Her torch shining brighter than a few weeks before

But it wasn't the flame turning her cheeks all rosy
It was thoughts of Snowe, Feingold and Nancy Pelosi
And leaders from every side of the aisle
Who would soon bring the Bill of Rights back into style.

The Amendments had all hurried out of their beds -
Which was no easy task, they were nearly in shreds
And they rushed to the window on papery feet
As a jolly old man flew right over their street.

"Could it be!?" they inquired as the roof shook and trembled
And they crept toward the mantle, peaceably assembled,
Just as someone emerged from the chimney with flair
In a shiny red suit, with a shock of white hair

And a top hat, and pants all in red, white and blue -
"Wait a minute," the Amendments exclaimed, "Who are you?"
"Don't be frightened my children," he said, "it's no scam.
"You can't have forgotten your old Uncle Sam!"

"Holy crap!" said Free Speech. "Stop right there!" yelled Bear Arms
And Privacy cried "Who shut off the alarms?!"
The Fifth remained silent, but Uncle Sam said
"We've been having some trouble, but Freedom's not dead."

The Amendments were cautious. "It's just been so long
"We've seen Liberty lost, we've seen so much go wrong.
"The President's trying to mangle and warp us,
"The Fourth is in tatters, so's Habeas Corpus!"
It goes on like that for many more stanzas, lamenting the shredding of the Constitution by Bush and the joyful new Dem dawn that brings back the bruised Bill of Rights. Even Rummy makes an appearance as a Grinch.

What nation do these people live in? Apparently it's a dark, Mordor-like place where they can't say what they want, can't bear arms (as if!), must incriminate themselves, lose their habeas corpus rights, have to house army troops without compensation .. you know the script.

And yet, mysteriously, this poem has been published before anything's changed. It's still a Republican Congress and a Republican president. No laws have been repealed, yet Gladden can write this without fear of a loss of rights, false imprisonment or anything else.

Liberals think their fears are their reality. The logic is like this: I'm upset that something may happen. Being upset doesn't feel good. Not feeling good therefore means something bad has happend. Therefore, what I feared might happen has happened.

Nevertheless, Gladden manages to pick up his dreary spirts by the end of the poem and exhibit that glorious liberal attribute: Inclusiveness. It lasts for all of seven lines before he's back to litigating:
But they heard him exclaim "Oh, and just one more thing!
"This year, when the holiday bells start to ring,
"Try to honor religion. Honest faith can't be wrong.
"It's America, can't we all just get along?

"So, on Christian," he cried, "Muslim, Hindu, and Jew!
"On Quaker! On Shaker! And Atheist too!
"On Buddhist! On Taoist! And to show we're not chickens
"We'll file a few lawsuits defending the Wiccans!
If you were really inclusive, Gladden, why not file a lawsuit to defend the First Amendment rights of Christians? But Merry Christmas to you anyway.

hat-tip: memeorandum
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