Cheat-Seeking Missles

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Insurgents Battle Occupiers in Ivory Coast

ABIDJAN, IVORY COAST (November 6) -- Ivory Coast insurgents and African nationalists, chafing under a prolonged military occupancy, struck back today, killing nine French soldiers and one American aid worker.

As the Ivory Coast quagmire thickened, insurgents roamed this capital city's streets, vandalizing French interests, and searching for French citizens, many of whom fled the deteriorating situation by helicopter. French schools in the capitol, which had been closed, were burned.

French president Jacques Chirac, ignoring cries of protest from African nationalists and continuing allegations by the opposition party of mismanaging the war, ordered more soldiers and warplanes into the area. The action raised speculation that Chirac would soon impose a draft.

In New York, United Nations General Secretary Kofi Anan decried the conflict as illegal.

In Hollywood, actor-activst Ben Affleck called for France to leave the Ivory Coast immediately. "I became aware of this situation -- well, actually, I became aware of Africa -- yesterday, and I think it's apalling that the French think that just because they have military might, they can arrogantly impose their will on other nations. Chirac is an idiot who is blinded by his ties to the French oil and business interests," he said via a statement issued by his publicist.

Gee, the report in today's LA Times didn't read quite that way. What a surprise.