Cheat-Seeking Missles

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Offending Pagans

Here's a PR question for you: Is getting great publicity for your client worth really ticking off a bunch of pagans?

Could you take the heat of the local honcho of The Pagan Federation calling your publicity stunt "very disrespectful and not at all aesthetically pleasing?"

Doh! Of course you can! After all, you're representing the most disrespectful and aesthetically displeasing consumer product on the planet: Homer Simpson.

Reports Sky News:
Pagans have pledged to perform "rain magic" to wash away cartoon character Homer Simpson after he was painted next to their famous fertility symbol - the Cerne Abbas giant.

The 17th century chalk outline of the naked, sexually aroused, club-wielding giant is believed by many to be a symbol of ancient spirituality. ...

A giant 180ft Homer Simpson brandishing a doughnut was painted next to the well-endowed figure in a publicity stunt to promote The Simpsons Movie released later this month.
How awful can it be to tick off people who actually think that standing next to a chalk drawing of a man with a hard-on can make you fertile? These cannot be people of impressive mental acuity.

But Ann Bryn-Evans, the pagan honcho, thinks it's me who's Homer-like:
"I'm amazed they got permission to do something so ridiculous. It's an area of scientific interest."
I'd like to meet the scientists who are giving the powers of of the giant a serious look because they'd certainly be a pretty goofy bunch. And here's the question I'd like them to answer:

If, Dr. Blubberbrain, you hold that the man-made giant has powers, how can you show that the man-made Homer giant doesn't also? Why can't we stand by his belly if we need to add a little weight? Couldn't we step within the aura of his stylish skivvies if we had a hankering to shack up with a blue-haired lady?

It could be so handy. Say you want to get pregnant and you're pretty sure you're going to have an insatiable urge for donuts for the next nine months. You could just stand by the Cerne Abbas giant's giant you-know-what for a minute or two, then belly up to the donut for a few more, and go away with the sure knowledge that pagan-power will pull off the trick.

Wow, I'm beginning to realize that my PR career won't be over until I get a chance to offend some pagans too.

Wait a minute; the opponents I face day in and day out are Greenies, so I guess I've already done plenty of pagan-P.O.'ing. Cool.

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