Dirty Bird

Not that she'd ever fling herself at me, and not that I'd accept her advances in any case, but I've decided that if Sheryl Crow ever gets a hankerin' for this hunk o' manhood, I'm turning her flat-out down.

Why? Here's why:

Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.

Crow has suggested using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required". (BBC)

Just ick, yuck and gross. This Crow is a dirty, stinky bird.

Oh, I know I'm being flip. Ms Crow is very, very serious. She's given this a lot of thought ... presumably while on the can, contemplating the TP roll:

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming," Crow wrote.

"Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

So, who's signing up first to be part of the enforcement arm that's going to sniff out violators?