I'm Glad They Defined That

A freind sent me this, the contest winners in WaPo's annual contest in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled over how much weight you've gained.
3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.
6. Negligence (n.): A condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.): An emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by some proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n): A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.): One who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), back by popular demand: The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

What's your favorite? Despite having not one but two proctology choices, and despite a strong surge by #14, I'm going to go with #7.