Left Blames Abstinence For Pregnancies

Hugh's listeners and readers know all about the 65 pregnant girls in Timkin High's girl population of 490 girls.

Looking for an explanation, we conservatives look to TV and movies, where young singles are always humping like bunnies, and rap music where you betta jus take yo clothes off ho. But libblogger Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon has a different reason: abstinence.

I'd be at a complete loss on this, but fortunately Amanda takes time to explain why we conservatives promote abstinence and oppose abortion:

Of course, if your purpose is not to help girls and women control their child-bearing so that they are better able to pursue the lives and careers they want instead of the ones you can trap them in, abstinence-only education is a resounding success.

Ouch! We Republicans are worse than I thought! I didn't know our life purpose was to create a sub-caste of burger-flippers! Let's just back off this whole stem cell/human cloning problem we've got, shall we, and clone an army of worker drones so the girls of Timkin can hump merrily away without having babies.