Making An Ash Of Oneself

Now there's a whole new environmental calamity to worry about. But the good thing is that those who cause it have nothing to worry about at all!

From the WashTimes:

Mourners who scatter the ashes of their loved ones on the mountaintops of Scotland are being warned that they are playing havoc with the environment. The problem, it seems, is that cremated human remains make a dandy fertilizer.

Critics say the practice is upsetting the foliage by causing plants to grow too fast and too thick.

"The instant you put [human ashes] down on the ground," says one professor, "you are getting luxuriant growth" of vegetation.

"What's wrong with luxuriant growth?" you ask. "Isn't a healthy environment with lush growing things a good thing?" you wonder.

Oh, silly, silly you. Improving the environment is just another one of man's ugly fingerprints on the natural domain of Mother Earth.

Look how un-verdant that Scottish hillside is! Can you imagine how disgusting it would be if human ashes were to cause it to become ... gasp ... green? Oh, the horrors!